just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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