How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize