your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
