Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
