so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
