It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
