You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So drunk its hurt
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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