Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
