Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
