I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
