my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
