i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
