Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's no shave November. This is our time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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