im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I won the penis lottery.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
