I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
