why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize