I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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