I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
