I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
