the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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