my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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