someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
