I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
