So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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