im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
