I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
