Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
