I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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