there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
