K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
look no pants
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
