so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
