theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
