Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
