I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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