Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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