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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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