he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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