Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
