You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
