They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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