Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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