I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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