fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
