she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
