The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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