so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How external is "for external use only"?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
