You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
