the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
