I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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