Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize