I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
