Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
