I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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