I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
