He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
