i need an iv and a liver transplant
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
