I just saw a hot homeless man
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
