There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
