Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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