We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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