I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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