just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
