Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
