all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
