I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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